


A self-made man

by Saltylocks



Series: Salty ships Marvel [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Avengers Tower, Deaf Character, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Avengers, Established Relationship, Falcon is okay, Fluff and Angst, Hard-of-hearing Clint Barton, Living Together, M/M, Medical Professionals, No new avengers, Post everything really, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Thor, Stucky - Freeform, Thor - Freeform, Thor Is Not Stupid, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy, except for Sam, mentions of stony, russian words, trans!bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-25 00:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4939429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saltylocks/pseuds/Saltylocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is back and have been living with Steve in the Avenger's tower for two years. This is about how he copes and makes friends with the other Avengers and starts a family. </p><p>Please read the tags!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A self-made man

**Author's Note:**

> In this Bucky is trans and has lived as a man for all of his adult life. I got inspired for writing this after reading some of what tumblr user empragmatic said about the the a/b/o-universe and how weird it it is that fanfiction writers can write about a fictional universe with mpreg when we have real people in this universe who can actually have children though they are passing as male (my words not theirs). That's how I interpreted it anyway.
> 
> If this is not for you don't read it, and if it is, please enjoy!

“Bucky!”

That name. He could wake up with that name echoing in his head, formed like a question. 

“Who the hell is...?”

“Bucky!”

Some nights he would be able to go back to sleep. Other nights he would just wake up and crave that voice, to confirm it was real. Those nights, he sneaked up from his bed and up into the air vents. As he crawled, he practiced the talk he would have with Stark's son some day about how the Avenger's building had too many ways for assassins to hide. The air vents were huge, and one day Stark's robots would miss a innocent looking girl or missile, which inevitably would blow the tower up. He grumbled at the thought as he crawled through another vent and silent as a feather landed on the floor of another single room. He would of course never actually leave. Bombs, knives, guns, they didn't matter, because there were nowhere he would rather spend his time, or even die to protect.

The door to the shower was open and he could hear Steve inside, a low hum of some generic summer hit. Steve had always loved hot water, even though they had never been able to afford much of it growing up, and it seemed his boyfriend still possessed some of his old traits, even after all this time. The fog obscured most of Captain America's damn near immaculate body, and Bucky silently leaned against the door post, eyeing the “perfect specimen” up and down a couple of times before speaking.

“Be careful or you're going to set the humidity alarm off or something,” he leered, sending the all-american super boy flailing inside the shower stall in surprise. 

Bucky sniggered a little at the scene, his laugh coming out more like a hoarse cough, but still more than he had managed a year ago. He knew he sounded nothing like the care free youth from their childhood, but Steve still smiled back at him. His wet, smooth body made it impossible for Bucky not to look.

“I disabled that damn sensor the first time,” Steve murmured and walked toward the former Winter Soldier to give him a swift peck on the lips. 

“Nice pajamas,” he added and looked down at the shield tee and boxers Bucky was wearing. 

“Standard issue,” the man with the metal arm answered back.

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

Steve turned off the water and climbed out to stand dripping in front of Bucky. The former assassin squinted up at his boyfriend and tsked as he noticed the dark rings around his eyes. Captain America looked exhausted, his eyes almost more red than white. Steve hummed apologetically, not even bothering to defend himself against the worried looks.

“Can't sleep?” Bucky asked, trying to keep his voice aloof. 

They knew each other better than to try to hide their weaknesses like some couples did. Too much had happened and time was too precious for them to hide some imaginary flaws or judge the other for them.

“Too much on my mind.”

“You could say that again.”

“Want to stay over?”

“Sure,” Bucky nodded.

Steve had a habit of overthinking things, and when he got in those broody moods he wasn't getting more than a couple of hours a night. Bucky knew the pattern better than anyone. And he also knew exactly how to take Steve's mind off things.

“Care to share?” he said as he grabbed a towel and put it over Steve's head.

“It's nothing, really,” Steve mumbled, obediently letting himself get toweled down by his childhood friend.

Bucky had always been the more responsible, even though Steve was two years older than him. When they had been living together, Steve often had forgotten to eat, and Bucky had been the one to make sure they had food inside of them. They had been just as good at procuring the food and money but Steve had rather used it on drawing materials and Bucky often tried to buy clothes. That had of course had a natural explanation. Growing up, Steve had been sickly and artistic, but no one ever had ever questioned whether he was a boy or not. Bucky, on the other hand, had made it his life mission to dress in a way that made him pass as male. It was his way of making sure he was safe. His height and body type had made it easier to pass and he was sure he would have given up many times if it wasn't for all the confirmation he had of his masculinity through the years – getting drafted on the first go, fitting in well with the guys in his regiment. Hell, even the guys capturing them in Germany had not looked twice at him.

“I think I'm dry now, Buck,” Steve said.

“Yeah,” Bucky said and returned to the present, “yeah, you sure? Turn for me, let me have a look at you.”

Steve winked and did a little twirl. Bucky's heart almost stopped. He could never get used to Steve's height and muscles. To Bucky he would always be “li'l Steve”. 

Luckily, Dr Erskine's serum hadn't changed the fact that even super soldiers needed to sleep. Bucky was grateful that that particular function of his body hadn't changed either, along with all the other things Zola's team had done to him. He knew how Romanova felt about the Red Room treatment of her day, and he hadn't had it easier in the hands of the scientists. With Steve's help though, he sometimes felt like his old self again. The little punk had always had a smile that lit up even the darkest of moods.

They curled up together on Steve's bed, Steve putting his warm, square jaw on top of Bucky's head. It felt safe and Bucky soon found himself drifting off to sleep.

~ooo~

_“Bucky! Bucky, wake up, you're bleeding!”_

~ooo~

“The doctor will see you now, Mr Barnes.”

It hadn't been one of Bucky's best mornings. Steve said he had been woken up by something wet at his thigh and he had not been prepared for blood. Now they had been sitting solemnly in the little waiting room for forty minutes after leaving samples, and Bucky thought that if he was dying, at least he was dying surrounded by people he liked instead of the cold tundra of Siberia. Something was nagging him in the back of his head, but he was to focused on not passing out from the dull pain in his stomach to pay attention to it. 

“Have a seat, Mr Barnes,” the doctor said, a small woman in her late forties. “I am Dr Gupta. Would you like Mr Rogers to wait outside?”

She had this stern look on her face when she looked at Steve, like he might not like what she were about to tell them. It made Bucky feel special, and a little annoyed, that way in which she felt she might need to protect him.

“He can stay,” Bucky said, making his voice as deep and imperious as he could. 

Steve hugged his shoulder in gratitude. The doctor smile was as stern as any teacher's in the 50's.

“Very well, you can sit down back there,” she dismissed Captain America, pointing him towards a chair next to the door. 

“Yes, ma'm,” Steve whispered, and Bucky snorted a little. 

“All tests came back negative, Mr Barnes,” the doctor continued, taking place at the desk next to them. “In fact, I never seen results as good as these. You don't mind that I call you “mister”, right?”

“What else would you call... Oh.”

Bucky's heart immediately beat faster. They knew that he wasn't, what he was, just from a blood sample now? Bucky felt himself starting to breathe faster. He felt trapped, his mouth got dry, he needed to get out of there, Steve...

“Mr Barnes? There is no need to get upset, I'm just asking because I want you to feel as comfortable as possible.”

“Buck.”

Steve's voice behind him. He took a breath and looked down on his whitened knuckles, digging through the plastic of the cheap, orange chair. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Mister” is fine, yeah.”

“Good,” the doctor said, talking softly now. “Like I said, everything came back normal. Your stress levels are a little elevated, but given the circumstances, you being overseas, the PTSD...”

Steve had given him a pretty good background with his new identity, the ingenious bastard. He politely let the doctor tell it back to him and just nodded in appropriate places, calming himself down. He was not the asset and she was definitely not the mission. 

“Well, if that's the case, what's wrong with me?” he asked when she finished. “People don't just start bleeding from their neither...”

Then it hit him, like a punch in the stomach.

“Oh,” he said, “oh no.”

The doctor just nodded, sympathy shining though her tired mask.

“Battle and constant stress can have a serious toll on our bodies,” she said, “and when we return home to our loved ones, our bodies are allow to heal and, if we are lucky, start to function normally again.”

She raised her eyebrows in Steve's direction as she said “loved ones”, but Bucky barely noticed.

“It's not possible,” Bucky hissed.

“I'm afraid it is,” the doctor said. “I can recommend some over the counter tranexamic acid if you keep bleeding as much, and pain relievers. Contact us again if your normal rhythm isn't stabilizing within the next six months or so.” 

“You don't understand,” Bucky said. “There got to be some... other explanation.”

“I'm sorry, but we couldn't find anything else. You should be happy your body is functioning like it should.”

Bucky just stared at the doctor in shock.

“Buck? Buddy, you okay?”

~ooo~

“This is not happening, Steve. I mean, I never... the doctors always said I was too skinny, you know how it was, even though I was healthier than you, everyone was just so damn underfed.”

They sat at a cafe in Brooklyn, hoodies and baseball caps to cover as much as their faces as possible. Both gripped two steaming cups of black coffee, just like in the old days. 

“That was one of the things that made it so easy to pass,” he kept on babbling, “no body fat means no breasts or ass...”

“I remembered you said something about that back in the day... What happened after that?”

Steve's voice was gentle when he asked.

“I don't know what Zola's people did to me but I sure as hell know I got lot's of muscles. And I can't remember everything, but I know that some things were meant to, but whatever they did to me I never got pregnant... so that's a relief.”

Bucky lowered his head for a second, lost in dark memories.

“Buck...” Steve began.

“I haven't had a fucking period in at least 50 years, Steve,” Bucky growled. “Is it strange if I feel a little upset?”

“Of course not,” Steve said.

He reached out over the table to cradle Bucky's hand in his own. 

“You know, the doctor said that it only means your body feel at ease and not so stressed out. We should try to focus on that, I think, that you are safe and sound. That is all that matters to me, you know that, right?”

Bucky looked up at his boyfriend and couldn't help but smile at the open, loving expression Steve had on his beautiful face.

“Damn it, you always find the positive side of everything,” he grumbled and gripped Steve's hand tightly.

“That's what I'm here for,” Steve grinned.

~ooo~

Some nights were fine, sure, but there were reasons they had separate rooms. When Bucky woke up, drenched in sweat, a scream still fresh on his lips, he didn't want Steve around. Or, he did after he had woke up properly, but in those first moments, when he wasn't sure where he was or even who he was, he knew he was a threat even to super soldier Steve Rogers. He needed time to wake up and remember himself. Sometimes he didn't even manage that, and he would sit in his room until dawn, until Steve could come find him again and tell him who he was. Those days became less and less though. But he still desperately needed Steve. He felt lost without him, and sometimes he mused if it was because he had been an asset for so long, that maybe he needed someone telling him what to do.

After a while though, he was able to start letting other people in. He had been so suspicious of everyone at first, but Romanova had actually helped him with his past, talking him though it and actually sung him some Russian lullaby's. After she had successfully helped him out once, there was soon others. Sam had been there since the Winter Soldier was brought into the Avengers, and he had never shown any fear when Bucky shifted or got that glint in his eyes that made everyone else tremble. The Falcon was a sunbeam type of guy, just like Steve, reminding Bucky of all the nice and good things in life. 

“I used to have a buddy, like you and Steve,” Sam told him once. “His name was Riley. He really liked the Greek Pantheon and he made up code names for us. We were Helios and Icarus. I really miss him sometimes. I lost him in battle too. I guess there weren't any German scientists around to bring him back.” 

Stark was accidentally next, dealing with the metal arm and actually taking it apart so much that they needed to refit it again, taking several hours. The man reminded Bucky a lot of Howard, only more humble.

“So, you and Cap, huh?” Tony said as he welded some new part to the arm. “Pretty inseparable, right?”

“I guess so,” Bucky had said, standing awkwardly beside the door, trying not to touch anything. Everything in Tony's workshop glowed and he didn't want to think about what one little button might cost. “We're best pals.”

“Just 'pals'?” 

Tony crooked an eyebrow. Bucky just glared at him, and Tony, human Tony, no suit, or armor or super strength, plain Tony, had looked back so defiantly, that even he eventually had to look away and blush.

“Aha, that's what I thought!” Howard's son had barked, looking triumphant and amused at the same time. “Not that it's anything wrong with that, I mean, if I could, I mean, the Capsicle is on a whole other level, and if I didn't have Pepper, boy... Anyway, good for you, and for him! Now, about your arm...”

Then he had gone on talking, leaving Bucky behind under a pile of technical terms, no longer wondering exactly how Tony Stark had taken over his father's company and made it flourish the way it had.

The Hulk had helped him too. Bucky liked to work out early, and the big training area was big enough for several people. Banner seemed to like the big area as much as Bucky did, and they had payed little attention to each other besides acknowledging the other's presence at first. Bucky had started on his normal routine from the fifties at first, but it fit unwell with his new body and troubled mind. He had found himself more and more in observing the smooth movements and breathing exercises of Dr Banner, mesmerized. Eventually, Banner had asked him if he wanted to join in. Bucky had hesitantly accepted, and soon found there was nothing quite like it, and that it was just what he needed. Banner had not been there every morning, so Bucky started exploring it for himself. It helped with the dreams and he snapped less and less after that. 

Thor had been... difficult, at first. There was something weirdly pure about him, and at first Bucky had categorized him as plain stupid, a man child from another world that hadn't suffered the same way the other's had. Thor would often notice him in a room and call out his full name and tell him how it was an honor to have him at his table. Bucky had felt cringey and tried to ignore the blonde giant, but Thor would have none of it, just stormed over in a whirlwind of leather and clinking metals, heavy and jovial, breaking all the customs concerning personal space and hugging the former assassin tightly. The first hug hadn't been unpleasant and Bucky had just let it happen, keeping calm by categorizing all the ways he could kill the impenetrable god before anyone would even notice. Then Thor had just let go, smiled and moved on, like it was nothing out of the ordinary. 

“He seems to like you,” Steve had chuckled. “I only seen him hug a couple of people like that before.”

“Shut up,” Bucky had said, and Steve had just snickered. 

After that, Thor just kept at it, every time he caught a glimpse of the sullen Winter Soldier. Bucky didn't know what to do with himself, but after a while he sort of resigned, and after even another six months actually came to expect it. It became one of those things that happened on any occasion the Avengers met. Thor only hugged him though, and maybe sometimes Banner, but not with the same ferocity. After a year of this, Bucky felt brave enough to ask. They met in the kitchen one noon, resting up after a fight, the others still sleeping.

“Hey Thor,” Bucky said.

“James Buchanan Barnes!” 

Thor looked up from his bowl of fruit loops, beaming and raising his arms in embrace. Bucky knew he would come after him if he walked off, so instead he just hugged back. Thor commented on the fruit loops and Bucky grabbed some for himself without thinking about it and sat down to eat next to him. The air was quiet and he basked in the silence of so many people he cared for sleeping safely under the same roof.

“Thor,” he said. 

“Yes, James?”

“What's with the hugging?”

Thor looked up, his eyes open and blue.

“What do you mean?” 

Bucky sighed. He didn't expect the god to understand.

“I mean,” he said, “that every time you see me, you say my name and hug me. It's not something people usually do.”

Thor's smile got broader.

“I like hugging people,” he stated, and went back to his bowl of cereal.

“Why do I even bother?” Bucky sighed and did the same.

“James Buchanan Barnes,” Thor said and put an arm on his shoulder. 

Bucky looked up. Thor was not smiling any more. 

“Listen,” the giant said, turning his body towards the assassin. 

“I will tell you a story, and you just listen. I was brought up to be a leader. I was the oldest brother. It was and to some extent, still is my destiny. My father tried to teach me leadership by taking me to battlefields, by assigning me sparring partners older and bigger than me, by calling for oracles who could predict my future as a great king. I did not like it and would beg him not to take me. 

Whenever I could, I hid with my mother and little brother, who never had to visit the battle fields, no matter how much he begged to be taken. My mother, not my father, was the one who taught me about nature and to respect all life, how big or small it might be. She taught me both kindness and that sometimes, in order to be kind, you first have to be cruel. 

In order to make the starving wolf eat, you might have to capture it first, no matter how many bites you get. In order to treat the horse's bleeding hoof, you have to endure a couple of kicks to the chest. You can't know that the horse won't run away as soon as it has healed, or that the wolf won't use it's renewed strength to kill you. You just do it anyway. And in the same manner, if you see a man bleeding, even if you don't know him, you treat his wounds. He might run, like the horse, or kill you, like the wolf. Or he won't. You still treat his ailment.

Do you understand?”

Bucky nodded. Then he sat very still for a very long time.

“I'm sorry,” he said, after a while. 

“What do you have to be sorry for?” Thor asked, his broad smile back like usual.

“I have been under the impression that you were a thoughtless and dumb, and I'm now sure that, in fact, the opposite of that is true.”

“Well, you wouldn't be the first,” Thor said and actually winked a little. 

Bucky had finished his cereal, so he just nodded and turned around to put the bowl away. Thor started to study the newspaper on the table with curiosity. Bucky didn't know what to say. Eventually, he turned around. 

“Thor,” he said, and moved closer.

Thor opened his arms to the former Winter Soldier without hesitation, like it was the most natural thing.

“Thank you,” Bucky said.

“You are welcome,” Thor murmured.

~ooo~

Bucky was standing in front of his bathroom mirror one night some months later. He was studying himself. He had been afraid to at first, not sure what he would see in the mirror, the Winter Soldier or James Barnes. And all he had seen was... himself. He had muscles that James had never had, but he didn't look as weirdly over pumped like he used to when he was Winter. He removed the prosthetic and looked again. He put up his hair just to see what it looked like. The Winter Soldier had always had his hair out, long and floppy. He had seen some men shaving the sides and keeping some hair in a bun on top of their heads. Would that look good on him? 

He looked at himself from the side. He certainly wasn't Bucky Barnes or the Winter Soldier in terms of blubber. He had never been anything but skinny, but he had a little more body fat now, it seemed, his stomach even had a little bump now. He guessed the life in safety with a bunch of super people was good for him, the fact that his period had come and gone some proof of that, but he had been told it was normal with some fluctuation after a long time of amenorrhea. He guessed it was one thing less to worry about. It wasn't like he could get... pregnant...

Bucky stopped circling his stomach. He looked down, and then in the mirror again. He carefully pressed against the bump. It didn't feel like fat. 

“дерьмо,” he whispered.

He had never dressed so quickly. Up the shafts, down the vents, jump a couple of five feet falls, climb down the stairs to the basement. The frosted glass revealed the shape of Bruce Banner long before he actually pulled the door open. The lab was full of different plants and animals, so he had to shut the first door in order to open the second.

“Doctor!” Bucky called as soon as he got into the humid area.

Banner turned at him quickly, just a hint of green in his eyes before they turned their normal dark brown. 

“B-Barnes,” he stammered. 

Bucky realized how he must look, all wild-eyed and winded up, and took a deep breath.

“I know it's a bit late, but I need your help.”

Banner looked a little surprised, and Bucky could certainly see why. Besides the informal yoga classes they had exchanged very few words. They shared a mutual respect and that had been doing so for a long time. Banner always seemed to ponder some of life's great mysteries, always off to a new experiment. Now, he looked curious and intrigued. 

“It is kind of a personal matter,” Bucky added. “I understand you worked as a doctor in India when Natasha recruited you?”

“That's correct.”

“Then I wish for some advice on... those things. Doctor things.”

“Of course, of course. Sit down over here, unless it's an emergency?”

Bucky shook his head and sat down on a bench next to the work station. Banner sat down next to him. Bucky fidgeted, plucked at his arm, tapped his fingers. Banner was silent a moment.

“What is it, Bucky?” he said when Bucky kept quiet.

Bucky swallowed hard.

“Listen, this is probably going to sound really strange, but I was wondering if you can tell whether someone is pregnant or not?”

Bruce just looked at him for a second.

“Sure, we could do a pregnancy test,” Bruce said very slowly.

“Does this involve peeing in a cup and injecting it into a rabbit or something?”

“What? No, of course not, it's just a plastic thing that measures how much hCG a person has in their body. It's really easy, I think I have some packs around here somewhere. Sorry, I keep forgetting how old you are.”

“Oh, yeah, me too,” Bucky said, absentmindedly putting his hand on his stomach again. 

Banner gave him a cryptic look, and took a couple of breaths as he started looking for the tests in his overcrowded lab. If Bucky hadn't been a hundred miles away in his mind, he might have noticed how cold Banner's voice had turned when he handed three boxes over to him. Bucky looked at them and stuffed them tightly under his clothes.

“Thanks....”

“It there a reason you are asking about this, Barnes?” Bruce interrupted him.

“What? No, why would I...”

“Because if you...”

Bucky squinted up at the biologist, only now noticing his cold tone.

“What are you on about?”

Banner rolled his eyes.

“Did you get someone pregnant?” Banner asked sternly.

Bucky just stared at him and then started huffing, because the absurdity was laughable.

“Banner,” Bucky panted. “You know what security is like around here, and we do yoga every single morning. When would I have time to go out and knock a girl up, even if I could?”

Banner looked at him, before blushing and looking embarrassed.

“Sorry, I... I jumped to conclusions, I guess.”

“And here I thought you were some kind of genius,” Bucky teased, still grinning.

“Well in biology perhaps... but what was I supposed to think, when you were asking about tests... Wait, who is pregnant again?”

Bucky's smile fell. He rolled off the bench in one smooth motion and stood up. 

“Don't tell anybody I asked, alright?” he said.

“Of course not, I won't tell a soul,” Banner answered, looking more intrigued than ever.

“Thanks for the tests,” Bucky said.

Ten minutes later he was roaming through the dark kitchen for a plastic cup when he met eyes with Hawkeye.

“Hi,” Bucky signed, trying to not look intimidating. He had left the tests in his room but the creeping feeling that it was something he had to deal with _right now_ still made him shifty and his movements jagged.

“Hi,” Clint answered in his low voice. “What are you doing up this late?”

All the Avengers knew that Bucky could be a little weird sometimes, so Bucky wasn't surprised that Clint kept his distance.

“Just looking for a plastic cup,” Bucky signed, trying to make the signs as clear as he could though his fingers felt numb and his throat dry. “Seen any?”

Clint gave him a weird look and pointed to one of the other cabinets. 

“Right there,” he said. “Um... are you alright?”

Bucky took a deep breath. Clint was one of the good guys, he knew that. He didn't need to see all the bullshit boiling inside Bucky right now.

“Yes, Clint, thank you, I'm not going Winter on you, I just... there are other things that can stress up a guy, and I need to go deal with them, but I'll tell you about it some other time.”

His signs was still too big and shaky but Clint seemed a little calmed by it.

“Okay,” he said, opening the fridge like he had planned all along. 

Bucky breathed through his nose a couple of times before going over to the shelf. He had to stand on his toes to reach the top and then all the beer cups fell on him at once. They bounced all over and made more noise than Bucky thought were possible. Typical Tony to buy the best quality kind, that were almost as thick as real glass. Bucky did not have time for this. He could feel his throat contract and tears burn behind his eyelids. An hour ago he'd been ready for bed and he was so goddamn tired and fidgety...

“I'll pick them up,” Clint said behind his back. 

“Thanks, but I have learned to pick up my own messes,” Bucky whispered, before he noticed Clint not hearing him and quickly taking care of the cups. 

“You don't have to,” Bucky signed but Clint did not look up. 

“Take this, go do your thing,” he said and offered his colleague a couple of cups. “Get some sleep, you look tired as hell.”

Bucky couldn't help but stare before he grabbed the plastic.

“Thanks,” he signed stiffly, and walked off.

Back in his room, he put the cups and the boxes next to each other neatly on the bathroom shelf. 

“Buck?” he heard outside.

He dragged in a breath. He had been so obsessed that he hadn't even thought about Steve. What was he going to tell him? “Hello yes I said I couldn't get pregnant but here we are”. Bucky felt sick. He had lied to Steve. He should not have assumed because of Zola. He should have gotten himself checked properly. What if Steve never would touch him again after this? What if he felt betrayed? What if...

“I can leave if you want...?” Steve said behind the door.

“No!”

That was even worse, the thought of keeping Steve in the dark, of actually lying. 

“No, you can come in,” Bucky whispered.

Steve entered his room and closed the door again.

“What's going on, babe?” Steve murmured as soon as he saw Bucky's face. 

Steve took Bucky into his arms and Bucky slowly relaxed against his shoulder. He shook a little as he let go of his tensions. 

“Sorry I didn't tell you right away, I just...”

“Come on, let's sit down...”

“No, no, I need to do this right now or we won't know...”

“Buck, what's wrong?”

Steve held his shoulders and eyed him at arm's length, worried. Bucky hugged himself tightly.

“I looked at myself before brushing my teeth, and I just noticed that there were something different, and I have been pretty upset about that particular thing that I saw, so I went to Banner to get some tests and I accidentally ran into Clint and knocked over some things in the kitchen... Sorry if I woke you up.”

“I wasn't sleeping,” Steve said, trying to figure out what his boyfriend was talking about although he clearly couldn't.

“We haven't been as careful we should have been,” Bucky added, almost inaudible.

That sparked some sort of understanding in the other man's eyes. Bucky thought he would see anger, but all he saw was confusion and a little wonder.

“I thought you said,” Steve whispered, “that there were no way in Hell...”

“Well that's what I thought,” Bucky whispered back.

“You said Zola...”

“Yes.”

“You haven't been sick in the mornings... or have you?” 

Steve raised an eyebrow.

“I haven't had any symptoms, but that could just be another effect of all the enhancements I had done to me.”

Bucky bit his lip.

“Steve, this might just be a delusion,” he said, a little stronger now. “I might have dreamt this whole thing up.”

Steve's expression went from wonder to immense sadness in a fraction of a second. 

“Let's hope not,” he said, looking at Bucky with so much longing in his eyes that the assassin immediately stopped debating with himself whether Steve wanted a baby or not. 

They had talked about it, in another lifetime, when Steve had been pale and sickly and Bucky would have been shot in an alley if he suddenly started wearing women's clothes and announcing he actually had been a girl all along. The thought of living as a girl had scared him, both because it would feel wrong and creepy and because there was no way Steve could earn his own living. It hadn't stopped them from dreaming of a different world. Then the rules had gotten tougher and they had to pretend to be seeing girls and that was one of the reasons Bucky had looked to get drafted. No pressure to get a girl and move away from Steve, plus the army pension. If Steve was alive when he got back, he would have more money and they could move into their own place instead of the shitty place they lived in now. That had been the plan all along. He was only to go away for a year and then come back. Steve wasn't supposed to meet Erskine and pop up in the battlefield, looking like some freaking Adonis. That didn't even happen in Bucky's wildest dreams.

Standing in a room in the Avenger's tower 70 years later, things were a lot different. The world was a more accepting place. A man could be a man if he looked like a man, and two men could be a family. Sometimes dreams come true for some lucky bastard punks in Brooklyn. Looking into Steve's eyes and actually see the wish formed there, the joy of even the slightest possibility of Bucky being pregnant, made Bucky calm down in an instant. Maybe it wasn't the end of the world after all.

“Alright, I've gotta do the tests and see if I'm right, okay?” Bucky said. “Just don't get your hopes up too much.”

“Okay but keep the door ajar, will you?” 

Steve reluctantly let the assassin go and waited on Bucky's bed while Bucky peed in the cup and put the tests in. There were two in each and Bucky used all six of them, better safe than sorry. He watched himself in the mirror again, pale and big eyed. He looked nothing like either James Buchanan Barnes or the Winter Soldier, as per usual. The beard the Winter Solider had had was gone, but he wasn't the skinny Brooklyn kid either. He was just Bucky now. 

He went back to Steve and sat down next to him, making the bed creak slightly.

“What now?” Steve said.

“We have to wait a couple of minutes,” Bucky said.

“What do you think it will be?” Steve asked after another minute.

“I don't know.”

“What do you want it to be?”

Bucky thought about it.

“I don't know,” he said. “I don't want my body to change, it has already changed so much, but if I am pregnant, this might be the only chance we'll get at it.”

“You don't have to, you know,” Steve said, putting his arms around Bucky and kissing the top of his head. “We could adopt, it's just as viable, I was actually thinking about suggesting it after things calmed down a little bit more.”

“Things never seem to calm down, do they?” Bucky said.

“If having you means never calming down again, I'll go on until I drop,” Steve said in a haughty voice.

“Right back at you, you cheesy twat.”

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

They then stayed quiet until Bucky was almost asleep and Steve had to nudge him awake.

“I think you should look at those tests now,” he said.

Bucky swallowed.

“Together?”

“Always.”

They checked all the tests. One was negative but the other's wasn't. Bucky sat down on the toilet lid and covered his face and Steve bent his long body so he could rest against the shower stall wall.

“We're going to be dads,” Steve finally whispered.

“Yep,” Bucky sighed, and looked up at Steve who could barely contain his happiness. 

“You okay?” Steve asked and moved so he sat on his knees in front of Bucky.

“Yeah,” Bucky said, and Steve kissed him, and Bucky started crying, hugging Steve tightly.

Steve carried him, like a child, back to bed, and tucked them in together. Bucky wasn't sure why he was crying, there was just so much in him that needed to come out – he was happy for them as a whole but sad for his body and the loss of his manliness, he was afraid for what would come and so glad that he had Steve there with him – and so he cried and cried and Steve kissed him and touched him and hugged him and intertwined their legs until Bucky wasn't sure where his shivers stopped and Steve's began because at some point Steve had started crying too. Nothing about it was perfect and everything about it made it perfect. Bucky turned to Steve and kissed his tears away and with every kiss he told him how much he loved him and after a while he laid his head on his shoulder and fell asleep like that, whispering affections with every breath.

~ooo~

They waited a couple of days to tell the other's, but former assassin or not, Bucky still noticed the funny looks he got from the rest of the Avengers, especially Banner and Clint. Natasha were away on a mission and they both wanted her there, so as soon as she was back, they gathered everyone in the kitchen.

“Steve and I have two announcements to make,” Bucky said. “First, we are going to have a baby.”

“Congratulations!” Thor brawled, and Bucky smiled up at him, as the other's followed suit.

Natasha gave them a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, but she still joined in in the well wishing. They all looked happy and confused, except for Banner who looked confused at first and then stared at Bucky with a raised eyebrow, looking up and down his body a couple of times. 

“We have a second announcement,” Bucky said,”which sort of belongs with the first one. I think you might wonder about where the baby is coming from, and... I believe the term for it is “trans”, and that's what I am. As far as I know, none of you has thought I am anything but male, so it felt like it needed some clarification. I'm pregnant.”

Bucky looked over at Clint to make sure he had understood. None of them said a word.

“Are you saying you are trans?” Stark's son said, after some seconds had passed.

“Yes,” Bucky said.

“So you're pregnant? With Capsicle?”

“Yes,” Bucky said, and couldn't help but smile a little.

“Wow, kids these days,” Tony sighed and winked at the two people from the fifties in the room. 

Sam stayed really quiet and just handed Clint a ten dollar bill. Natasha smiled for real now and gave them both a warm hug. 

“You are going to be great parents.”

“спасибо,” Bucky whispered, “you are going to be a great aunt.”

Natasha actually grinned now, and her eyes were a little wet when she moved away to regard him. 

“With all these uncles and fathers, I might even need to call in backup,” she agreed. “Mind if I call Pepper and Maria?”

“Not at all,” Bucky smiled.

He turned to Steve who were talking to Sam and just as he was about to listen in, Banner stopped him.

“Barnes,” Bruce said, hesitantly.

“Yes?”

“I believe congratulations are in order,” Banner began,” and I also wanted to ask, when you visited me a few days ago and you said “even if it was possible” - is this what you meant?”

Bucky nodded. Banner smiled apologetically and shook his head. 

“I am really sorry for thinking you had knocked some random girl up.”

Bucky patted the other man's back. 

“I'm not going to hold it against you. Hey, do you know any good yoga moves for pregnant people?”

Banner looked deep in thought.

“Not really, but I'll look it up 'til tomorrow, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Bucky said as he was tapped on the shoulder by Clint. Natasha waved Banner over so Clint got his full attention.

“Congrats,” he signed.

“Thanks,” Bucky signed back. “What was the bet about?”

“I told Sam that I thought you were pregnant and he said “no way!” but my nose never lies so I bet him ten bucks that you would tell us within a month.”

“You could smell I was pregnant?” 

“I have three kids, of course I could smell it.”

“Man, you should change from Hawkeye to the Supernose or something.”

“Hey watch it!”

“'Supernose, save us!' 'Supernose can smell the danger from a mile away!'”

Clint could barely contain himself with giggles, grabbing the side of the kitchen counter and leaning against it, and Bucky laughed out loud, for the first time in 50 years, and it was about something as stupid as “supernose”. Steve heard him, of course, and came over, looking perplexed and happy.

“What are you laughing about?” Steve asked.

“Clint's new nickname in ASL,” Bucky giggled. “I'll explain later.”

“Okay,” Steve said and kissed him, and it was the best kiss Bucky ever had, surrounded by friends, in Steve's arms.


	2. Bonus scene from Chapter 1: Winter Solider and Black Widow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a scene that I wrote that I didn't thought fit in with the narrative - if that makes any sense.
> 
> Winter Soldier and Black Widow meeting just after Bucky joins the Avengers and their relationship from there.

“Зимний Солдат,” Natasha Romanova had greeted him the first time they had met as part of the Avengers. 

“Чёрная вдова,” he had said, just as stone faced as she had. 

Winter Soldier, and Black Widow. He had just barely remembered who he was, and meeting her almost sent him reeling again. He had just stood there, trying to understand if he wanted to kiss her or kill her. His body was rebelling and in the end he had done neither. She had slid past him quietly, talking to some guy with a bow over his shoulders. 

Fifteen years ago, a tiny red head had been able to use his strength against him, and Bucky had no doubt she would massacre him now. He had read up on her when he researched himself. She had been one of the few that had made him question Pierce and go rouge for a while. That time, Steve hadn't been around yet. Natasha had nowhere to hide him when he snapped back to his old self and realized everything he had done as the Winter solider wasn't just some nightmare. They had fled, but their masters had found them again. He still couldn't remember what they had done to him after that, and that was frightening enough. He wasn't sure what they had done to her either, just that her eyes darkened every time he was around. 

Bucky tried to keep clear, to not drag up old memories, but it was hard to avoid her when they all lived in the same place. He often found her staring at him, across tables or rooms, the look in her eyes almost puzzled. She even jumped when he were where she didn't expect him to be, if he sat quietly somewhere or ate breakfast. He couldn't remember what he had been to her, once, and was afraid to seem like a bigger jerk by asking. 

Tony had made him a new arm, and he spent a lit of time practicing at the gym. He usually just worked out with Steve, both with or without the metal prosthetic, to get his bearings right and to know if any adjustments were needed. It was also a nice way to connect to the other team members, and between missions they often sparred together. Bucky fit in almost perfectly from day one, because if there was something he felt comfortable with, it was fighting. He also fought the other team members separately as well, carefully at first but after a while with more freedom as he found that he could find himself easily after a fight. 

That was maybe why he glitched only once. It happened after a particularly straining session, all of them circulating. Some of them, like Banner and Sam, had already tapped out, acting only as judges and timekeepers for the others.

“Switch!” Sam called out, and Bucky raised his head to find himself facing the Black Widow.

“Wait,” he said, not wanting to fight her, but it drowned in the sounds of the others clinking together, Iron man against Thor, Hawkeye against Captain America. Natasha was en route towards him as well, her limber body a dancing shadow of black as she locked her legs round him and used her momentum to make him lose his footing. There was something about the smell of sweat, the way she said “ой, вы так тяжело!” (oh, you are so heavy!) and the clinking of weapons around him that dragged him right back to being the Winter Soldier for one fateful moment. Natasha had almost let go of him when he grabbed her, more forcefully than Bucky ever would, and dragged her with him. He couldn't stop the well ingrained reflex to punch at her, and she masterfully dodged him, swiping at his legs, and he fell to his knees and rolled back up in a microsecond, hunched and fixated. Part of him was surprised he could move that fast, but most of him was focused on the woman in the catsuit. Something was wrong, he should stop, he wanted to, but she had attacked him and she counted as a threat now. She reminded him of something, but a wonderful emptiness had filled him, a place where only the mission existed. She was the target, and he needed to get rid of her, nothing else mattered.

“Bucky?” the woman said.

He stopped mid attack, waking up and realizing what he was doing at the same time. He lost control of his body and clumsily tumbled by her and hit the floor with a large thud, face first.

“Bucky?” Romanova said again.

His whole face hurt like hell. He felt ashamed as he slowly rolled onto his back, into the arms of the Widow. 

“I'm sorry, “ he started, and hissed as she touched his nose. 

The other's hadn't seen them yet but they soon would, and know that he had lost against Natasha. He had to play it of in a mix of humility and hurt pride, and he wasn't sure he could do that when he just had felt like he didn't exist. Tears burned inside his eyelids and Natasha seemed to pick up on it somehow. She got up, something determined in her eyes.

“Come on,” she mouthed, “I'll get you some ice.”

They snuck out the door swiftly, and stepped into the elevator. 

“Kitchen,” Natasha said, and the doors closed.

“I'm sorry,” Bucky said again.

Natasha looked over at him, and there was a softness in her eyes as she regarded him. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek, so he had to turn his face towards hers. He couldn't help but scowl a little at the way she squished together his newly acquired wounds. She smiled then, genuinely, and reached up to kiss him on the cheek. 

“You are really Bucky Barnes,” she said and let go of him.

“Well, yes,” he said, and then his eyes widened.

“You worried I was a sleeper?” he breathed. 

“Of course,” she said as they got to the living areas. 

There was some frozen peas in the freezer, and Bucky knew his healing factor would take care of the rest. He reset his nose with some help from Romanova and sat down on the cold floor tiles to rest a bit.

“You really like floors.”

“Old habit, I guess. A more difficult target.”

Natasha sat down beside him.

“What made you sure I wasn't a sleeper?” he asked, just to make conversation.

She looked down at her hands for a second.

“The fact that the Winter Soldier does not scrunch up his face when he is in pain,” she said, “or has any emotions or facial expressions at all, really.”

“Well,” Bucky said, “Is that really all? Because I'm sorry but that is a little thin.” 

“See, you are pointing things out, it's those little things that make me sure. Winter does not do that. в Москве вы никогда не делали...(In Moscow you never did...)"

Natasha quieted.

“все в порядке(It's okay)," Bucky said. 

“Это было давным-давно, но вы по-прежнему выглядят так же (It was a long time ago, but you still look the same)," she said, biting her lip. “Это очень запутанной (It's very confusing)."

“сожалеющий (Sorry)," Bucky said again. 

“I'm not,” she said, taking his hand and putting her head on his shoulder, sitting close. “It's good that you are back.”

They sat like that for a while, talking, in English and Russian, confessing some fears and what they were thankful for. They broke apart when they heard the others, standing apart long before the others entered the kitchen and got a look of the assassin with the pea bag on his face.

“Jeez, Buck, Natasha got a hold of you?” Sam laughed. 

Bucky gave them a crooked grin, full with exactly the right amount of embarrassment and admiration.

“Sure looks that way,” he sighed.

“She's stronger than she looks,” Tony informed him.

“Well yeah ya don't need to rub it in my face!”

“Looks like she already did!” 

“Bucky!” Steve shouted. “Are you okay?” 

Steve gave Natasha a glare before hurrying to Bucky's side.

“It's mostly the wall's fault,” Bucky said, “I tripped over my own feet.”

“Some assassin you are, huh?” Steve said and kissed him lovingly on the cheek before putting the bag back. 

There was a silence after that, and Bucky looked up to see the other Avengers staring at them with gaping mouths. 

“I _knew_ it!” Tony said, his eyes shining as he patted Sam on the chest.

“A toast!” Thor brawled, too loud and happy as usual. “May you have many healthy years together!” 

“That was unexpected,” Banner mumbled. “I'll be in my lab.”

Natasha just smiled. Bucky and Steve blushed. It was all forgotten five minutes later when Tony and Barton started arguing which of them who could take out Batman the fastest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Зимний Солдат" means "Winter Soldier" and "Чёрная вдова" means "Black Widow" according to Wikipedia. The other translations I got off Google Translate.
> 
> If you like it leave a kudos<3

**Author's Note:**

> "дерьмо" means "shit" and "спасибо" means "thank you" according to Google.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a kudos<3 and/or a comment.


End file.
